I believe this place would benefit from some proper capitalization. And from better visibility... But the background image is so nice (I took it btw hihi).
Lately I have been studying a lot to compensate for the fact that I'm failing physics like the enlightened being I am. When I'm not studying, I am too unmotivated to do any one of my gazillions hobbies so I instead waste my time online. And I really wish I could work on this website instead, so that's the goal.
There is so much to be done online, yet most of the people I know from what I've seen (ages 17-21), sometimes including me, spend their time exclusively on a few popular platforms. It's so easy, so effortless, why spend more time looking? It's almost like these apps are designed to keep you on there... I don't know why I feel so dreadful when I see anyone just scrolling on tiktok in class or on the bus. Actually maybe I do. Besides the fact that these apps are addictive in some way, it scares me to see people not be able to deal with being ever so slightly bored. The idea that we were conditionned to not be able to tolerate a moment of silence terrifies me. I mean, people maybe a century or so ago, what did they have for entertainment? If we're talking more passive forms of entertainment: going to the cinema and listening to the radio come to mind. But even if you went to the cinema a couple of times a week, it wasn't as available as modern entertainment. People also spent more time with the media they consumed since they had a lot more time to think about it. The huge sea of information online might have made us more knowledgeable but less thoughtful?
Oh anyways, I'm just tired of seeing my 11 year old brother spend so much time watching horrible Youtube shorts on a phone a child shouldn't have at that age. And this whole thing also spawn from my own insecurities: I think I'm very stupid and I want to blame the internet I grew up on. My brain feels so empty, thoughtless. It feels like forming actual opinions is so hard. I remember being in a book club and being humiliated by the teacher leading because I couldn't give a reason as to why I liked a specific book, one that he really disliked. This sort of thing happens so frequently: someone asks me about my opinion on an album, movie, book and I just freeze. Am I too nervous? Do I not spend enough time with the media I'm exposed to? Or am I plain stupid?
Following a little mental breakdown in May 2023 (almost two years ago wow), I deleted my instagram account. Then I deleted most apps that I used including pinterest and youtube. I still use those from time to time but I can go weeks without opening them. I think I've made progress. I found that the best way to cut out useless scrolling is to replace it with something a little more "productive". For example, instead of going on youtube to find something to watch when I'm too tired to do anything else, I find it useful to maybe watch a show or something. And I know some people are prone to binging so that might not work... But I'm not anymore. If I have a little more energy, I might pick up a book. Unfortunately, I have neither movies on my laptop nor a book to read so maybe that explains why I feel like I'm wasting so much time.
Well this was long. BASICALLY, this site is my second step to a better use of our god-given internet.